“Thou art God…”

“And many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation of him by god.”— Psalms 3:2

I began my search at about the age of twelve. I'd been brought up within the christian mythos, having studied with a Jehovah's Witness alongside my family. The Witness had been with us faithfully for more than ten years by that time. I never understood if it was merely the olive branch of friendship extended that led my mother to begin studies, or a desire to heighten her faith. My mother had been raised loosely Protestant, and basically left religious instruction to the Witness.

I'd tasted one other sect of christianity as well. My father1 was a devout Roman-Catholic, and I'd even attended Sunday school for a brief while. I grew disillusioned with my father's religion, as nothing seemed to fit. There appeared to be too much strife in his version of god. ‘Be good, go to heaven; be bad, go to hell.’ And the question of one's enemies? I never heard about turning the other cheek, but one could be assured that the evil party would roast in torment for all eternity as a gift of the all-loving Holy Father above, amen.

Truly, though; my early education at the side of the Witness and her companions was much a good thing, I believe. Not only did I learn what our society came to expect as ‘correct’ moral behavior, but I also read the Holy Bible many times. This would serve me later, as I would often fall back on a piece of scripture for comfort or defense. Numerous times in my search, I would justify the logic of one belief system with this, my fundamental/formative one.

I began rather timidly at first, I must say. Starting from the roots of the christian ideology, I sought out literature on Judaism. I was in wonder at this new world that until now, had been written off and taken for granted. The Holy Bible paints a vivid picture of pre-christian jews; but I discovered them to be mostly the legends and tales of their people. While it was never written that the jews were a boisterous lot, I'd gathered from the stories that they were fiercely loyal to their religiosity.

I was, however, disgusted at such a sub-servient attitude. I gathered that the primary locus of their faith was to attain nearness to god. And yet, at every corner it seemed they denied themselves. יהוה; their faceless, nameless god, seemed a petty being. One (or all, as it goes) who could never be understood, but only contemplated. One who seemed to set no true purpose to life, except to give us the desire to be closer to godhead. One who threw trial upon trial on his people with no reward or end in sight. I could not accept what I felt to be an illogical god.

Then, I also thought ‘Hey! The christians adore the same god... what happened?’ Well, apparently with a new covenant2 comes new understandings. Also, I recalled that in order to make the religion acceptable to the masses, the ideology was bastardized in the middle ages, to make it more palatable to the poor illiterate peons. This not only made the servants slaves to their god, but because it allowed the vassals and lords control of them, these lords took the religion up as well. So, from beginning as a political decision by Constantine around 365 A.D., it continued to be a political choice later on. Needless to say, I needed nor desired a controlling religion. I took from it what I believed to be the better things. Namely, the teachings attributed to their main biblical character, Jesus.

From the jews and christians, I moved on to an even older source of divinity, paganism. Studying the celts, druids, wiccans, neo-pagans, animists, spiritualists, satanists etc. These religions often boasted a more personal relationship with their god[ess(s/es)], which really appealed to me at the time. What's the point of having a faith if it isn't your faith? While I won't list the reasons for each particular choice to reject the ideologies, I will say that there was always something that seemed to be missing from them all. They had (a) disconnected deit(y/ies) that was all powerful and basically seemed to be powerless and/or content to abide all and do nothing. Guess what? Not my cup of god, so to speak. As a matter of fact, the satanists didn't even have a particular worship figure per se, though it was refreshing to run into an honest religion that professed to worship and desire power in and for themselves. Truly a freed people, those who can speak such supposedly horrible truths of themselves. I might have even stayed satanic if it hadn't been for the afore-mentioned lack of je ne sais quois.

Tirelessly (though with periods of frustration), I continued my search. I moved onto eastern influences. Studying buddhism, shintoism, jainism, sikhism, hinduism, shaivism, and more. Most of my studies focused on hinduism and buddhism,3 and I was again attracted to what I saw. Not a religion as would be understood in western terminology, but a faith. Something that these practitioners took with them everywhere, and lived their lives by. Also a very personal relationship with their object of faith. While at the outside, hinduism seemed to be composed of a pantheon of gods, I saw the view that each was an aspect of god. The buddhists didn't believe in a god, but the moving force of life. These seemed rather alike to me, with the difference that the hindus added titles, while the buddhists seemed to strip them away. Hard to understand concepts for a western mind.

And so, we have a confused child. For many years now, I've lived by my own code. It's recognized by all religions in some form or another. It starts with respect. Respect god. God is a part of us. Respect us. We are god.

That last concept might be difficult for some to accept. Think to the age old question “If a tree falls in a forest and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?” The point of this question is not reality or literality. It is perception. For even if the tree does make a sound, does it matter? Perception is the key. Sure the world exists; but if you can't perceive it, for all practical purposes - it doesn't exist for you. And for you, you are all that matters.

Some people ask, “Who created the earth?” some will answer god, some will say no one, some will say it wasn't created. My answer is no answer. Frankly for me, as god, it doesn't matter. So I don't strip away god, but the importance attributed to the title. I am god, you are god, the rocks, trees and machines are god. Because if there is a god, it is there because we perceive it. Without our perception, for all practical purposes it doesn't exist, because it doesn't matter.

And I perceive you all as gods because I would hope that you are the all powerful mover and shaker in your life. You have the gift of life by allowing yourself and others to live. You have the gift of knowledge because all you know is the world combined. All this because your world, is your perception is you. You are the universe.

Long live god! Long live solipsism! Thou art god! All that groks is god!